Someone tell Jerk to wipe that smug look off his face.
I’m sure he’s wearing one after scoring 121 points just days
after I slammed his team for a lackluster scoring average.
Now, he’s 6-1 and tied in the AFC — yes, the more important
conference — with Houserville, who is a lot like Jerk. With only 511 points
allowed, ranked third in the JFL, he’s won seven straight games.
He won with 80.8 points this week after an opponent failed
to get out of the 50s against him for the third time this season. The other
three wins came against teams that didn’t get out of the 80s.
But that’s fantasy football, and Houserville has been
consistent offensively. The 80.8 points against the News Team this week was the
lowest output since Week 2 for Houserville.
The Ville survived another poor outing by Eli Manning, this
time only scoring 8.1 points, thanks to 24.3 points from Jarvis Landry, who
quietly ranks No. 7 in the JFL with double-digit weeks every week this year.
The 24.3 points were easily enough to lift him over the News
Team, who without Rodgers couldn’t manage more than 55 points. To be fair to
backup Cam Newton, News Team wouldn’t have scored more than 70 with Rodgers
anyway. There were two big ole zeroes on the board for the News Team this week.
Now, back to the Jerk. With 121.6 points, he sent T-Money to
1-6, and we should all feel for him — especially me, after he scored 110.5
points. Kirk Cousins scored 40 and Todd Gurley went for 29.1. It may be too
late for this season, but Gurley is looking like a great future pick for
T-Money.
The RB situation for Jerk, however, took a huge hit as Arian
Foster scored 25.5 points and went out with a torn ACL.
Fortunately for him, he has the World of Noise gaffe of the
century, Mark Ingram, who ranks No. 2 overall in the JFL.
That’s a big oops now for Noise who forced me to swap out
Ingram for Agholor after he said he clicked the wrong name in the draft.
I’m guessing he’ll never do that again.
Just as Jawz will never start Colin Kaepernick again. You’ll
be sure to find Peyton Manning at the helm from here on out after Kaepernick’s
6 points were crucial in a 70.5-64 loss to Team Boyer. Once again, Boyer road
the wave of Tom Brady who scored 37 of the 70 points in the win.
That wins puts him at 5-2 and tied with the Jersey Bombers,
who beat Fear and Loathing 107.6-92.8, and Chalupa Batman, who beat Choo
124.5-88.2.
The Bombers, led by Lamar Miller — who has returned from the
bye week with a vengeance. He scored 40.2 points in the Dolphins lashing of the
Texans.
I’m guessing J.J. Watt will not be an MVP candidate this
year. How bad has that defense been? Hell, how bad has that team been? They dig
huge holes for themselves and the offensive players — Hoyer, Foster, Hopkins —
only rescue fantasy owners with boatloads of garbage points.
Chalupa didn’t get any garbage points, but the majority of
his 124.5 points — 94. 3 to be exact — came from Philip Rivers, Mike Evans and
T.Y. Hilton. The latter two were trade acquisitions, so he has to be delighted
about that, and he adds Matt Forte to the mix next week. The Batman is ready to
rise in the NFC.
He holds a two-game lead on the Toasters in the NFC East and
he would have had a three-game lead over the Philly Cheese Steaks if it weren’t
for some late-game points by Joe Flacco, who’s garbage touchdown with 4:26 left
pushed the Steaks on top of the Slackers 59.2-55.6.
Now, that’s luck.
Comments