If the first two weeks are any sign, we’re in for a crazy
JFL season.
Naturally, we walked into Week 2 with eight 1-0 teams and
eight 0-1 teams. Any more or any less, and our personal bean counter Chalupa Batman
would have had some questions.
After Week 2, though, we have 12 teams sitting at an even
1-1. Only two of the eight undefeated teams survived.
One of those teams is Fear and Loathing, who just two years
ago started 2-0 in route to a 9-0 start. He had his undefeated run ended in
Week 10 that season by the Jimmy Jammers, who just happens to be the other 2-0
team after two weeks. #thirdperson
With the 85.7-59.8 win over his arch-rival Slackers, the
Jammers has now started 2-0 in each of the last four seasons.
Drew Brees didn’t necessarily exact his revenge on the
Slackers, scoring a team-high 19 points in the win, but it was enough when
added with big double-digit days by Julio Jones, Melvin Gordon and Cairo
Santos.
I’m sure Brees will put up 40 in our next matchup.
Dawson’s Creekin’ and
Cryin’
Well, I’ve been saying that older RBs scare me for years,
and Adrian Peterson has continued to prove me wrong.
That came to an end Sunday night when Peterson tore his
meniscus and I have to believe he’s out for a while with that injury. That will
be a bit of a setback for the man who may want to return to Houserville. Things
were good over there.
Now, since the move, he’s lost his keeper back and he’s 0-1
against the World of Noise.
Oh, of all teams to lose to, it’s World of Noise. His Monday
must have been ruined.
Matt Ryan led the way for the Noise with 38.5 points ad
Larry Fitzgerald added 15.3 points.
Houserville had the necessary points on the bench, but he
left Mike Wallace there in place of Mohamed Sanu, hoping to cancel out some of
those Matt Ryan points, but that failed miserably.
Now, Dawson is down at 1-1 without Peterson and still
without Gronkowski, his first-round pick. And when Le’Veon Bell returns in two
weeks, he’ll be without his other RB.
It’s OK, though. I’m sure Joey will show up at his door and
make him feel better about life.
“Why did you draft Gronk in the first, Dawson?”
“What does it matter to you, Joey?”
“It matters because I care about you.”
“If you truly cared, you would have bought me one of those
cool fantasy football magazines in August.”
“Dawson… That hurts.”
“Hurts? You know what hurts, Peterson’s knee and Gronk’s
hamstring.”
“You can’t take your failures out on me.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry.”
Dawson moves in to hug
Joey, music starts, camera zooms out, fade to black.
What an episode of Dawson’s Drying Up Creek. Wait till next
week when Joey confesses that she cheated on Dawson with the Noise. I love this
show.
The Curse of the
Generals is real
Teddy Bridgewater, placed on IR.
Robert Griffin III, placed on the IR.
Josh McCown, apparently avoiding the IR for now, but could
be on it soon.
Right now, Dan Graybill is to QBs as Dusty Baker is to
pitchers. He’s killing them one by one. He picked up McCown last week to back
up his starter Jameis Winston and he’ll likely be off the roster come
Wednesday.
Winston isn’t injured, but he sure as hell played like a
banged-up QB, scoring just 13.9 fantasy points. After 4 TDs and 1 INT in Week
1, Winston flipped those numbers with four picks and a TD this week.
The Jersey Bombers didn’t get any better QB play (just 14.7
points from Trevor Siemian) but his double-digit performances from Lamar
Miller, C.J. Anderson and DeAndre Hopkins were plenty enough in the 87.4-57.7
win.
The Graybill Curse may not be exclusive to QBs, too, as his
RB Ameer Abdullah and WR Donte Moncrief are off to get MRIs this week.
At this point, can we just start calling his team Graybill’s
General Hospital?
Fooled Again
Jawz picked up Manti Te’o this past week to play linebacker
for his squad. It may have been the 10 tackles from the week before that earned
him a spot on the roster, but I have to think Te’o called Jawz and promised him
something irresistible.
Lucky for us all, the Jargon Security Agency (JSA) has wire
taps on all of its members phones. Here’s the transcript from their call on
Sept. 13.
JAWZ: “Hello?”
TE’O: “Hey, Jason, it’s Manti.”
JAWZ: “Manatee?”
TE’O: “No, Manti.”
JAWZ: … Silence …
TE’O: Sigh… “The
linebacker with the imaginary girlfriend.”
JAWZ: “Oh! Hey, what’s up man?”
TE’O: “Add me to your fantasy team. Do it and I’ll get my
girlfriend to assist you in fantasy football decisions. She’s won seven
straight Super Bowls. She’s just amazing.”
JAWZ: “Um, isn’t she fake?”
TE’O: “No, no. That was my last one. This in my new one. A
real one. She went to Michigan. You love Michigan, am I correct?”
JAWZ: “Michigan? You don’t say. Well, then she must be real.
… I’m adding you via waivers as we speak, by the way.”
TE’O: “Great. I’ll have her call you later. I have to go
now. That new episode of Dawson’s Creek is on. It’s the one where Dawson and
Joey argue drafting Gronk in the first round. I love that episode. It's a real meniscus-tearing knee slapper.”
Te’o scored just 0.8 points after that phone call, and it
really didn’t matter because Jawz was staring at another big deficit after
Thurday night when Matt Forte scored 3 TDs to total up 29.3 points.
Forte, who was drafted by Jawz a year ago and finished 8th
among running backs in fantasy scoring, really let the Jawz know what he’s
missing. He could have been a second-round keeper for him this year.
If only he had Te’o’s girlfriend on his side last year.
Cam, I’m Good
Last week, I said that News Team won’t face a QB that scores
47.1 points weekly, adding that he would in fact be the one putting up 40-point
days more often than not with his QB Cam Newton.
Well, it didn’t take long for that to come true. With 46.2
points in Week 2, Newton helped News Team beat the Spacklers 94.1-74.1. Brandon
Marshall and his kicker were the only double-digit performers, so that’s a bit
upsetting on his end — especially watching his first-round RB Todd Gurley put
up another sub-par performance.
That will have to change if he hopes to take this win and
turn it into enough to make the playoffs.
Life With Tampa Bay
Shades
Despite all his struggles, Chalupa had to go with his Tampa
Bay kicker. Well, that kicker missed his only FG attempt over the weekend and
finished with zero points. Meanwhile, one of the better kickers on the waiver
wire scored 10.
The chance was there for a win with Chalupa losing by 9.9 to
the Toasters, 110.6-100.7.
But hey, we’re talking kickers. The real reason this went
south is because Mr. MVP Antonio Brown had just 5.4 points. I’m going to dip into
my Cam Newton logic for this one, that won’t happen every week, that’s for
sure.
But for the weeks it does happen, perhaps he should invest
in a kicker who isn’t such a bust.
Covering My Bases
Choo lost a disappointing playoff series in baseball the
other week, so he’d surely be angered if I didn’t mentioned his win over the
proud Papa Jerk.
So, here you go. Choo won. #WorstDumpEver
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