I guess it’s about time I do one of these Jargon things.
It’s been a while, hasn’t it?
Much has happened: I have fallen out of playoff contention, Outs has gotten back into despite a multitude of All-Star injuries, and Steroid has been busy feeding the first-place teams.
He’s on his own evil mission to take over the JLB world, but instead of putting laser beams on sharks heads, he put veteran starters on first-place teams.
Let’s just call it the Alan Parsons Project.
As part of this, he asked for not much in return. I’d value it at about 1 million dollars. If only Dr. Evil Butter had a No. 2 ace on this staff to sit there at his round table and let him know that 1 million dollars isn’t that much anymore.
The crazier thing is, much of what he’s acquired in his last couple trades that sent Johnny Cueto, Zack Greinke, Daniel Murphy and Nelson Cruz away could have been added with waiver moves in weeks past.
Nine of the 12 players acquired were all on the waiver wire a few weeks before they were dealt.
Now, I completely understand that sometimes there’s just that guy you missed on the wire and you wanted — we’ve all had it happen and many of us, including myself, have traded for them.
But most of us have had a reserved approach, not wanting to pay too much for something they could have had.
In any case, to each their own. Dr. Evil Butter has the players he wants, the first-place teams have the bolstered rosters they wanted, and we have the deadline approaching very quickly for the rest of us.
Next Monday’s deadline — four hours after MLB’s deadline — is fast approaching, and for some, a big win or loss could make for a frantic Monday of deals.
Here are, by request, the Top 10 players who have to be dealt in the JLB by the deadline. I’ve ranked them in the order based upon how important it is for the team to sell them plus value.
1. Marwin Gonazlez, Bombers — There’s no reason to keep him and as a waiver-wire addition, he’s been a huge bat in the lineup. With 1B, 3B, SS and LF eligibility and a .322 average he should be sought after by many contenders. His 18 HRs and 59 RBIs are nice, too. He is the ultimate utility bat, and he’s going to get into the lineup often — especially with Carlos Correa down and out.
2. Carlos Carrasco, Bombers — It was a toss-up between Carrasco and Nova, but I know Firestine won’t give up on the former Yankee, so Carrasco it is. Plagued by injuries throughout his career, he has a solid 3.62 ERA with a 10-4 record and 130 strikeouts. Sell now!
3. Juan Nicasio, Vandelay — The Super Reliever in the JLB has become very valuable. With SP, RP eligibility, Nicasio is a potentially vital piece for a contender. Vandelay fails big time if he is still on his roster come Aug. 1, and everyone in playoff contention fails big time if he isn’t on theirs. At deadline, Vandelay has to take whatever he is offered, even if it’s last week’s “waiver-wire pick-up of the year.”
4. Eduardo Nunez, Slammers — Even better than Marwin, but harder to sell due to the Slammers position in the standings, so that’s why he’s at four. Batting .304 with 17 stolen bases, the 3B, SS, LF should be someone that playoff teams are going after. Like Marwin, he’s an ultimate backup covering multiple positions and valuable enough to start nightly.
5. Aroldis Chapman, Steroid — Saves mean nothing if you’re in last place, and closers can be found in simple offseason trades or in the draft next year. Most get replaced. Just look at Greg Holland. So if you can pull a Brian Cashman and make out like a bandit, go get rid of Chapman.
6. Archie Bradley, Slammers — Another super reliever, again further down due to playoff positioning, but with a 1.60 ERA and 52:9 K:BB ratio, Bradley should be in the sights of those wishing to make a run at a title. But that includes the Slammers.
7. Gio Gonzalez, Gamblers — The Gamblers are not far out of playoff position whatsoever, but if he somehow has a huge setback this week coupled with teams ahead of him winning, he should consider moving the 31-year-old. With a 2.83 ERA and 119 Ks, it would make sense. Hell, even sitting back where he is now, dealing with the injuries and the teams that are much stronger above him, maybe he should think about doing this before Monday.
8. Cole Hamels, Vandelay — Realistically, based on how young some of the real star talent on Vandelay’s squad is, this team may be another year out from making a splash. At that point, Hamels won’t be helpful. He has a 3.78 ERA, but is coming off a horrendous start. If he can put in a quality start vs. Miami this week, Vandelay should sell him for the best offer he can get.
9. Justin Upton, Steroid — Yes, Upton is a good keeper to have, but with LF being quite the crapshoot, there may be something good coming back if you sell him at the deadline. Besides, Trey Mancini has 38 starts in LF and there’s no reason to think that he can’t be the 2018 starter in LF.
10. Giancarlo Stanton, Vandelay — He’s ranked No. 10 only because he shouldn’t be traded, but with how hot he is, Vandelay should certainly entertain offers. The problem is, Vandelay is already stacked with numerous prospects, so it’s not like tossing him four top-tier youngsters is going to do it. This should only happen if someone ponies up a Max Scherzer-type. It’s not likely going to happen now, and maybe should be a Winter Meetings — perhaps Wingter Meetings? — kind of deal. Still, if there’s a team out there with a boatload of aces and a need for power, perhaps they should make the bold move.
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