Life is hard.
Apparently looking at 10 rosters and ranking those teams in their respective divisions is harder.
Toasters, T-Money and Dawson’s Creek all decided not to participate in the JFL fun, so the polls are slightly skewed numbers-wise, but nonetheless, we have predicted winners.
AFC East
1. Jimmy Jammers, 19 points
2. Choo Big TeeDees, 15 points
3. Sunday Slackers, 14 points
AFC Middle East
1. Dawson’s Creek, 24 points
2. World of Noise, 22 points
3. Jawz Attack, 21 points
4. Fear and Loathing, 13 points
NFC East
1. T-Money, 23 points
2. Philly Cheese Steaks, 22 points
3. Chalupa Batman, 19 points
4. Dottsville Toasters, 15 points
NFC West
1. Channel 4 News Team, 19 points
1. Graybill’s Generals, 19 points
3. Can’t Draft, Must Spackle, 10 points
I pretty much agree with the way the polls came out in terms of how I voted. I did have Noise over Dawson in the AFC Middle East and I gave News Team the nod in that NFC West tie.
Of course, I didn’t vote for my division, but that’s easily how I’d see it finishing anyway.
Here’s my take on the JFL in 2017.
AFC MIDDLE EAST PREVIEW
Phew, for a brief moment there, this division was gone. It was thrown into a big division of seven teams. Then it was going to be split in an odd 8-by-6 format.
But alas, the Middle East was saved. No, not by Jared Kushner. He had nothing to do with this, although, I’m sure he would have done a terrific job.
So all is well. Dawson sucks again. Noise is as loud as ever. Jawz has high hopes. And Fear…
Fear…
Well, he has the JFL trophy. That’s pretty much all he has because when you look at his roster, it’s easy to see how this team could go from first to worst.
For starters, Andrew Luck is injured and who knows when he’ll be back. Now, Fear knew this and drafted Eli Manning in the sixth round to cover, which is a good move, but the rest of the lineup is a head-scratcher.
It’s a mish-mosh of players who didn’t do a thing — literally — in the NFL last year. One retired and came back, Marshawn Lynch; another was suspended and hasn’t been cleared yet to play in 2017, Martavius Bryant; and a third is a rookie, Davin Cook.
Add that with an injured Luck and you have to wonder where the points will come from. All the mentioned players certainly have the ability to do it, but I just don’t like clicking on last year’s stats and seeing a bunch of zeros.
That’s why I have Fear in last. Here are the other three teams that will finish ahead of him.
WORLD OF NOISE
It’s his year. This is a good mix and the duo of Matt Ryan and Julio Jones will win him enough games to get into the playoffs for sure, and as long as they are on fire at that time, there’s no telling how for the World of Noise can go. Maybe he’ll even win that ever-illusive Super Bowl. He’s one of just two original JFL members to have not won a Super Bowl.
That’s gotta sting a bit. Twelve years, no rings.
Ryan and Jones to the rescue. They join Todd Gurley and Mark Ingram, which could be a decent backfield. I like Gurley to be a lot better than he was last year. Larry Fitzgerald and Marvin Jones are really good WRs to go with Julio Jones.
And of course, Noise went for his kicker, Stephen Gostkowski, in the 8th round. That will win him one extra matchup.
DAWSON’S CREEK
Noise, don’t feel bad. You may be one of two teams to be here 12 years and never win it all, but at least you don’t have the longest stretch of never playing in the big game.
Dawson’s Creek not only owns the record for silliest name change ever, he also has gone 10 seasons without making the JFL Super Bowl.
Six playoff appearances, three AFC Championship losses, it’s been a rough go for a rather successful franchise. At 70-56, Dawson has one of the better winning percentages in the JFL and I see no reason why that won’t continue to get better this year.
His QBs will be plenty enough to lead the way, but the real difference will be at WR.
Dawson has perhaps the JFL’s top WR corps — one through five — with Dez Bryant, Odell Beckham Jr. join Terrelle Pryor, Tyreek Hill and Rishard Matthews.
Bryant had a down year last year with 796 yards and 8 TDs, and I would expect 1,000-plus and double-digit TDs. Beckham, who injured himself in preseason and may not play Week 1, had 1,367 yards and 10 TDs a year ago. Pryor also had 1,007 yards receiving on a bad Browns team. Matthws had 945 and 9 TDs and Hill scored 15 or more points in five of the final six weeks of action last year. That included outputs of 30.3, 24.7 and 20.0.
Needless to say, if Beckham’s injury hampers him, Dawson could falter, but there is a lot here to fall back on.
Nevertheless, his route to a division title is a healthy Beckham and a rejuvenated Bryant.
He’ll need to use three of them weekly because the RB situation is going to need the wideout’s help.
JAWZ ATTACK
I’m guessing Jawz will go 4-9 this year.
Wait, no mark it down. He’s going 4-9. In fact, Uncle Jason, just pack up and start prepping for 2018.
In his first two years of the JFL, Jawz went 4-9 in back-to-back years. He then followed it up with three straight 6-7 seasons. After that, he went 4-9 followed by last year’s 6-7 year.
So, it’s time for a 4-9 season to even it up.
Then again, maybe Jawz will break the never-ending 4-9/6-7 Curse. Aaron Rodgers and DeMarco Murray are a good duo to have in trying to break this curse, but is rookie RB Joe Mixon ready to take off? I have no clue. I don’t even know who he is.
Yes, I’m still not into the NFL. Deal with it.
NFC WEST PREVIEW
The Spacklers made a last-second decision to go to the store on draft Sunday. I’m sure he ran his credit card somewhere, but where he really paid the most was in the draft.
Tom Brady is back again, of course, and so are a pair of 1,000-yard receivers in Jarvis Landry and Demaryius Thomas, but there’s a rookie running back and that’s it. It’s a bit precarious to enter the season like that.
But hey, Tom Brady will win him a matchup or two.
Still, I like the News Team and Generals to win more.
NEWS TEAM
I drafted Mike Gillislee on my wife’s fantasy team tonight. Back when News Team got him and I first looked over his roster, I was like, “Who is this rookie?” and “I guess a rookie is why LeGarrette Blount is gone.”
Then I found his stats from last year. He had 577 yards and 8 TDs in limited action. I guess that’s what happens when I don’t pay attention to the NFL.
And, man, did the Patriots have a lot of rushing TDs last season. I guess this is a good guy to match up with LeSean McCoy.
Big Ben is steady at QB and the WRs are pretty good considering who is throwing to them: Brandin Cooks (Brady) and Doug Baldwin (Russell Wilson). Sammy Watkins is less good now. Carr to Goff is like Car to Tricycle.
It’s not as good as the Generals trio, but News Team gets the nod for me due to RB support.
GENERALS
The Generals’ season hinges on running backs. Carlos Hyde was really good for five weeks last year and then he took his last name literally and hid — 6 TDs in first five weeks, zero the rest of the way.
Ameer Abdullah has had a lot of hype, but little production. Can he finally break out?
The Generals figures to be in great shape at QB with Jameis Winston and at WR with Amari Cooper (1,153 yards, 5 TDs), Antonio Brown (1,284, 12) and Kenny Stills (726, 9), but if those backs are coming up empty, he’s only winning when these wideouts go for 20-plus points.
Ready for a defensive reference? Generals has two guys who he can start weekly who had double-digit sacks last year. He gets that again, he’s got an edge on defense.
CAN’T DRAFT, MUST SPACKLE
It’s the new team name. Like it?
Is this Tom Brady’s swan song with the Spacklers? One would think. A news story went around this summer about him turning 40 and I thought it was a joke. I didn’t think he could possibly be that old.
I swear. I just Googled it again to make sure I wasn’t about to make a fool of myself.
First of all, it’s hard to believe how time flies. I don’t feel old enough to have watched Tom Brady’s entire career from Bledsoe’s injury until now, but here I am, freshly turned 35 and baffled.
So I wonder what can Brady do this season at age 40. He put up 3,554 yards and 28 TDs last season in just 12 games thanks to his suspension. Extrapolate that out over 16 games and you get his usual output still coming at age 39.
At some point he has to hit a wall, right? Or will he just bust right through that wall and keep going.
Car drives off speeding for New England. It’s Boyer on a mission to spackle and patch up that wall Tom Brady just busted through. Up there, they call him the Spack-lah.
[Oh, he has some WRs with 900-plus yards and a rookie RB. But his team is Brady.]
NFC EAST PREVIEW
I sat down to write up the NFC East capsules, and the way I do this is by jotting down notes on each team on paper. I started with Chalupa and thought going into it he had to have a good team, considering the fact his QB was kept in the 12th round.
I also assumed T-Money’s team wouldn’t be that great after the season he had last year.
Man, was I wrong.
T-Money is in really good shape, and that’s despite the fact that he lost one of his wideouts for the season to a torn ACL in the preseason.
He won the Super Bowl in 2014 with a team that just eked its way into the field at 7-6 with a dismal offense, and then he just won three straight playoff games with low point totals, including the lowest scoring Super Bowl in JFL history.
This year, the points may be easier to come by.
T-MONEY
Cam Newton is a strong starter to have with his ability to run and pass for TDs, meaning he’s always a threat to score big when the Panthers are in the red zone.
Le’Veon Bell and Devonta Freeman may be among the best RB duos in the JFL — aside from my pair, of course — as they combined for more than 3,300 total yards and 22 TDs a year ago.
Add in a pair of 1,000-yard receivers and you have yourself a decent squad, one that I think can win the division.
PHILLY CHEESE STEAK
The thief. Oh, this thief.
I will spend the entire JFL season making sure I do not draft immediately behind the Cheese Steaks.
The only way I will find that acceptable is if we are playing in Super Bowl XII.
And JV has a chance to get there. Drew Brees (stolen second round) will put up plenty enough points for the Steaks to compete week in and week out. We all know Brees has those days where he just flat out wins contests.
Wideout Mike Evans (stolen first round) joins wideouts Alshon Jeffery (stolen third round) and Jordy Nelson (not stolen, kept) to create a dangerous trio.
And all three will start every week outside of their respective bye weeks because RB was the one spot where JV did not steal a player from me.
This is the only reason why he doesn’t overtake T-Money in my personal poll.
CHALUPA BATMAN
This team’s success will rely heavily on two groups: (1) The sophomore QBs and (2) the has-been RBs.
Carson Wentz, Jared Goff and Paxton Lynch find themselves all together for the first time since the first round of the 2016 NFL Draft. Wentz, of course, will start for most of the season, but it’s still an odd combo to see in fantasy.
Frank Gore, Doug Martin and Darren McFadden are not an odd combo to see if you happen to have a time machine. I don’t. Neither does Chalupa. Therefore, I’m worried here.
T.Y. Hilton, A.J. Green and DeSean Jackson will make up for the RB situation, as will Keenan Allen who returns from injury. Depth at WR could mean we’ll see a Chalupa swap down the road.
DOTTSVILLE TOASTERS
The Toast is burnt. Fifth-round pick Spencer Ware tore up his knee and will miss the season and the WRs have shaky QBs. Jordan Matthews was in good shape in Philly, but then he got traded to Buffalo where he proceeded to chip his sternum on the very first pass play of his first practice with the Bills. Allen Robinson doesn’t have a good QB in Jacksonville and Jeremy Maclin went to Baltimore to try and catch passes from “franchise” QB Joe Flacco.
Can you tell how much I like this team?
LeGarrette Blount looks good at RB when you check out his numbers last year — how the hell did he score 18 TDs? — but the fact is, Philly will not offer the same amount of red zone opportunities for Blount and the TDs will significantly decrease thus lessening his fantasy value.
Time for my home, the AFC East. We lose a Jerk and the rivalry is finally what it should be: Parker, Choo and myself.
Dawson and Noise have their personal rivalry, Chalupa and Cheese have their's, but there truly is no better division when it comes to rivals than the AFC East.
Am I biased? Hell yes. Am I right? I sure am.
I’m also winning this division. Don’t take my word for it. Listen to the rest of the JFLers who chose me.
I’ll be honest. I was totally thrown for a loop in the draft. Sitting there at Pick 6, I truly thought I’d get a wideout, as I usually do in the first round. If lucky, Julio would drop, but if not, I was sure that Odell Beckham or Mike Evans would be there.
That’s why when those three, as well as Antonio Brown, went in the first five picks, I was sitting there looking at Dez Bryant, a few top RBs and Drew Brees.
I couldn’t justify taking Brees when I could have kept him in the second round, but at the same time, I kept Melvin Gordon in the fourth, so how the hell could I pick a first-round running back and have two legit backs after four rounds? That’s so un-Jammer-like.
But here I am, the guy who tackled WRs in early rounds long before it was cool, with two RBs in the first four rounds in a league where you only need to start one a week.
Trust me, I’m going with two now. I saw Jay Ajayi run against the Eagles in the preseason and I guess his 1,272 yards and 8 TDs a year ago make sense. Gordon had more than 1,400 total yards and 12 TDs and I hope to get that from the both of them again.
The wideouts I did grab would have been easily scooped up in first two rounds two years ago, but poor 2016 seasons had them dropping. DeAndre Hopkins and Kelvin Benjamin have that potential.
The guy I’m really excited about, though, is Kenny Golladay. I have Calvin Johnson sitting there on my roster in case he somehow comes back, but the fact is, I’m relying on the new Megatron in Detroit, and that’s 6-foot-4 Golladay.
I’ll stop gushing because I’m sure Choo is wondering why I haven’t mentioned his team.
CHOO BIG TEEDEES
Choo will give me a run for my money. With the No. 1 back from a year ago, David Johnson — 1,239 rush yards, 16 TDs; 879 receiving yards, 4 TDs — Choo is in great shape.
Marcus Mariota was a target of mine if I didn’t get Stafford, and Choo jumped in real early on Christian McCaffery. I was going to draft him there in the third round, but I let him slide — you know I couldn’t take a third RB in the first four rounds, but damn was I tempted.
I like everything about this RB duo, and I figure you’ll see Davante Adams at WR and Gronk at WR/TE on a weekly basis. The points will be there and this division will really come down to the two Jammers-Choo matchups and who has the better week in that particular week. Both will compete for the points title, as we did a year ago — the only thing I’ve won since 2011 — and it’s all going to be luck of the draw because you know David Johnson is going to have a 40-point week at some point. I just can’t have it happen in his matchup vs. me.
SUNDAY SLACKERS
Ezekiel Elliot’s suspension was upheld hours ago — from when I was writing this — and yet the Slackers have hope.
Ezekiel Elliot will play Week 1 due to some weird loophole, but then he won’t suit up again until Week 9. That’s seven fantasy matchups that the Slackers have without their first-round pick.
The Slackers do have some 1,000-yard receivers and a 1,000-yard back from a year ago, but it’s hard to say they’ll be able to carry him during that seven-week Zeke-less stretch.
Dak Prescott is the QB, which means the suspension is a double-whammy on the Slackers. I have to imagine some of the success the then-rookie QB had a year ago was due to the fact that Elliott was drawing a good amount of attention on defense.
Darren McFadden and Alfred Morris do not provide that similar impact. That hurts Dak somewhat.
Mark it down. It’s going to be a long season for the Slackers.
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