LAKE FACEBOOK VISTA, Fla. — The first JLB Winter Meetings officially took place Thursday night in a private two-hour Facebook event, and it was a GIF fest.
GIFs and more GIFs. No gifts. No trades. Just GIFs.
Butter showed up and melted away; Gina showed up and let everyone know she likes turtles, and the rest of us posted beer pics. Based on an offline conversation, beer pics from Choo are far better than what they could have been.
So aside from the GIFs, the biggest news that came out of the 2017 JLB Winter Meeting was a team name for Ryan Sakamoto’s squad.
Finally. We have a real name for his team, and it is glorious.
Lady and gentlemen, I at last introduce to you Monkeys Never Cramp, by far one of the best fantasy baseball names ever.
His roster is stacked as he ran through the two-man expansion draft and put together a team that is nearly as good as the one that preceded his arrival.
He arrived to the Winter Meetings at 11 p.m., dropped his name and started fielding offers for Giancarlo Stanton from several.
“Going to be tough to lure that bat away,” he said. “Especially with him swinging it at Yankee Stadium for 81 games.”
And that’s coming from an Orioles fan who is going to have to see it happen another nine times at Camden Yards
Potentially 60-some bittersweet homers for Monkeys Never Cramp. I guess, we’ll find out if Monkeys Ever Cry.
STORM BEFORE THE CALM
The biggest deal thus far of the offseason happened days before the Winter Meetings — much like the MLB Winter Meetings — and it was Jose Altuve leaving the Slammers for a new home with Big League Choo.
It did come at a steep cost as the game’s best closer, Kenley Jansen; the game’s No. 1 prospect, Ronald Acuna; and the game’s top international prospect, Shohei Ohtani.
A. Choo Preller did make a comment but it was too dirty for the Jargon, so we’ll just paraphrase: It was tough for him to trade the next Mike Trout but he got back someone who is as reliable as your local lawn mowing company.
Crox made a deal with the Slammers the day before the Winter Meetings as well, getting Danny Duffy, which is yet another vet pitcher on his staff. He was looking to get rid of some and here he is adding them. Why?
“Bitcoin,” he said. “I study the currency market.”
Really. That’s what he said. Take from it what you will. At the end of the day, he’s going to hit March and need to pick at most four of the following: Carlos Carrasco, Carlos Martinez, Johnny Cueto, Garrett Richards, Jeff Samardzija, Danny Duffy, Alex Cobb, David Price and Taijuan Walker.
In my mind, there are two must keep pitchers there and then the rest are keeper worthy at that No. 3 or 4 spot… Just who is better than who is a huge question.
Maybe in a pinch, he’ll just flip a bitcoin?
GET OFF MY LAWN
The Gamblers don’t want you coming around. Not unless you have picks. He’s set for keepers and he can only see himself getting a No. 4 pitcher… maybe.
“But I got Gio at No. 4 now which isn’t too bad,” he said.
OK, Parker. Good luck with that.
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