The Choo York Yankees.
I believe I may have made
that pun at some point in the Choo’s seven years in the JLB, but never has it
been truer.
The Choo enters 2018 with
a power-studded starting lineup that is projected to hit more than 315 homers.
Granted, that’s a
projection based on a whole season, not the fantasy regular season, but even
still, he’d easily smash the JLB record of 273 homers in a season.
This also is assuming the
players on his team right now stay there all season. He’s already made a
post-draft trade, so we know there’s no guarantee there.
Hell, by the time this
preview is posted, there’s a 30 percent chance that his roster has changed once
more.
Nevertheless, we’ll look
at the team he has right now at midnight on March 23.
And what he has is homers
everywhere. It’s like an episode of Simpsons’ Treehouse of Horrors.
With his first pick of the
draft — a second round selection of Joey Gallo — he set the tone for what his
lineup would be.
Gallo is one of two
players projected to belt 40-plus homers. Nolan Arenado, Manny Machado, Gary
Sanchez and Mark Trumbo are all slated to hit 30-plus, and Greg Bird, Jose
Altuve, Corey Dickerson and Yasiel Puig are all projected to hit mid-to-high
20s.
Maybe we call him the
PeChoo Power Company. If other teams do not pay up, he’s going to turn the
lights out on them.
“I’m
going to turn the lights out on Parker and his boyfriend Tim,” an aggressive GM
Steven Spillane said via email. “And take Joey Votto on my way out. Viva La
Canada.”
I’m not
sure what he has against the boys up North. Perhaps he’s just jealous of them
because his team headed to the South last year.
Big
League Choo posted a winning record in his first JLB season in 2011. The
following year, he finished one game under .500 before going on a run of four
straight winning seasons, which including back-to-back-to-back AL crowns.
Last
year was a jolt of reality. The 195 wins were a franchise-low since he took
over and he certainly doesn’t want to be there again.
Offensively,
he’s going to have no problems competing in offensive categories thanks to the
offseason additions of Machado and Altuve to pair up with Arenado in the
infield.
It’s an
infield he could have never imagined last October.
“Never,”
Choo admitted without cursing. “I didn’t think I would make one major offensive
addition this year, let alone two. Once I got Altuve from Slam-a-Lam JimmyJam I
then set my sights on a major addition at either 1B or SS, ultimately landing
Machado. Here’s to hoping one of Bird, Gallo or McMahon work out and I have the
best infield in the JLB for years to come.”
That
infield also includes Gary Sanchez who can’t be left out of his core four.
Which
brings us back to the Yankees comp. He has the lineup. He has the bullpen.
The
starting pitching is where the big question lies.
Now,
the Yankees have an ace in Luis Severino, something Choo lacks altogether, and
the Yankees can mask poor starts with the bullpen.
Choo
cannot in the fantasy world.
This
year is going to challenge his streaming and spot start skills like no other.
“Yes, absolutely,” he said. “My thinking was I felt comfortable
with Lynn, Shark and Gray being a strong consistent foundation so adding
Odorizzi to that was additional support. The Matz and Velasquez picks are
hoping one of them can become consistent (I’m banking on Matz), the Wainwright
pick was based upon him having reclaimed his curveball and hoping in a contract
year he can produce, and the Wheeler pick was actually made hoping he would go
to the bullpen and unleash his arsenal.”
Two days after he submitted that quote, Shark went down with an
injury — status unknown at this point — and he traded Odorizzi to that Slam-a-Lam
character.
I’m not totally sure why he did that from a pitching depth
standpoint, but then again, I’m not sure why Choo does a lot of what he does.
With all the power in his lineup, you have to wonder if taking
Gallo was even the best choice there with his first pick of the draft in the
second round.
“Yeah, in all honesty it was between Morrow and Gallo for my
first pick,” Choo said. “However, I could not confidently pull the trigger on
Morrow knowing Joe Maddon’s fetish for moving guys around faster than Crox at a
Boston-area [bleep bleep].”
OK, I’m sure your curious to what “bleep bleep” is. I have to
keep this clean because I am the Jargon; I have standards to uphold, but I’ll
give clues that only the JLB should understand.
The first bleep is a shape, one often associated with a kind of change-up.
The second is the team name of the one JLB owner who up and left
us a few years ago. He would often be featured in the JLB comic strip as the
therapist.
Get it? Good.
If not, don’t worry. Choo has already lost interest in that
analogy and has offered to trade it away for another.
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