2018 JLB TEAM PREVIEWS: Little Lebowski Urban Achievers


Yu Darvish just wasn’t going to cut it.

No, he wasn’t tipping pitches in the JLB, but for new owner Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, Darvish was a lone reliable starter during the regular season.

Even after an improbable run to the NLCS in the JLB — he jumped from fourth to third in the final week of the regular season, and in the NLDS, he watched his opponent purposely lose the matchup on Sunday — the Dude knew there was room for major improvements.

A year of learning the JLB taught him one major thing — you need pitching to win.

“Jumping in to the league last season with a roster that had only one legit SP2 (Yu) and a guy like Matt Harvey, the DUDE knew he had some work to do,” the Dude said. “However, it was worse than the DUDE realized. After the keepers were in, the DUDE was surprised at just how thin the available starting pitching were. The lack of available SPs led the DUDE to take guys like Bellinger and Rosario in the first rounds.”

In the long run, that may have worked out really well for the Dude. Bellinger is one of the many cornerstone bats he has, and this offseason, the Dude made some excellent moves to get himself in position to compete.

He added Gerritt Cole to pair with Darvish, as well as prospects Luiz Gohara and Forrest Whitley via trade in the offseason. That trade also came with the No. 2 overall pick, which he used to draft Johnny Cueto. He then proceeded to draft pitchers — starters and relievers — with nine of his next 11 picks.

“Heading into 2018, the DUDE feels he’s positioned himself very nicely via trade and the draft to make another run this year,” Dude said.

This all came about because of last year’s draft. The Dude, as part of his drafting young bats in 2017, got Rafael Devers who can jump in and make it bearable to trade Machado.

“Don't you mean Machoodo?” the Dude asked.

Yes, my bad. Machoodo. Go on.

“The reality of the situation was Machoodo needed a change of scenery,” the Dude said, sipping his White Russian. “Machoodo was unhappy playing in the shadow of Mr. Harper. Mr. Harper was diplomatic about the situation throughout last season, but it was pretty evident there was a rift. After the trade, morale is at an all-time high in the DUDE clubhouse. When Mr. Harper saw the return, he did a jig, punched Papelbon (who was for some reason hanging around the clubhouse), then did some Jager bombs.”

All his jokes aside, the Dude understands that no matter how tough it was to hit accept on that deal, it was a button he had to press.

“The return for Machoodo was too good to pass up,” Dude said. “Cole, Gohara, Whitley, Bichette and the No. 2 overall pick (Cueto).”

Well, that’s just like your opinion, man.

Sorry, had to quote Lebowski. You’re right. That’s an amazing haul.

And now, the Dude has some great pitching to go with an offense that really hasn’t lost much. He still has Bryce Harper, who I think is in for another MVP season. He just has to stay healthy.

If he does that, boy, the Natinals will be upset to see that.

Bremmer will go crazy if McGuirk uses Harper to keep him out — or even worse — knock him out of the playoffs.

“The Natinals, the Washington Capitals of Major League Baseball,” the Dude said, sparking up the new National League rivalry before they even play each other. “Can they make a damn NLCS already!?

“The DUDE offered to send Mr. Harper home to Bremmer, but it was not in the Cards ('12) this offseason. The major sticking point was Bremmer declining to provide Mr. Harper his own personal pet bear Cub ('17). The DUDE looks forward to another season of Giant ('14) home runs from Mr. Harper. And not unlike Trump, Mr. Harper will soon too be a Dodger ('16).

That’s some clever writing there, Dude. Why the hell am I writing your preview?

Now I've learned a lesson. Give the Dude a pen and paper and tell him to write a few previews for me.

Hey, Dude, it's the least Yu can do.

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