Today, I turned 36, yet I feel like I am back in college.
No, I’m not having a mid-life crisis.
Rather, I am sitting here at 9:23 p.m. on Thursday night realizing that there are less than 24 hours until the JFL Draft.
I’ll be on kid duty before the draft so this is it; it’s cramming night. I have to study, but I don’t want to.
There are so many distractions. College football is on, my former college roommates are about to jump on the PlayStation 4 to play video games and I want to join them, and I also want to binge-watch some Season 1 of Ozark to refresh my memory in preparation for Season 2 which releases at 3 a.m. EST.
Yes, it’s like college all over again.
My, oh my, has the NFL passed me by. My wife had her fantasy football draft for work the other day — a draft that I usually do for her — and I just couldn’t help much outside of strategy.
I knew when it was time to grab a WR or RB, but damn, I had no clue who the hell half of the RBs were.
There are names with decent point projections who I have never heard of.
When I saw Mychal Kendricks was trending on Twitter the other day, my first thought was seriously, “Damn, did the Eagles lose him to a practice injury?!”
Answer: Nope, the Browns lost him to a felony insider trading charge.
That’s when I realized I could name more Chelsea FC players than I could Eagles.
That’s probably not good when it comes to the JFL.
But then again, I truly only paid attention to the Eagles last year, and even that was sparingly at times, yet I still had my best NFL Picks season ever — picked better than 70 percent for the first time ever — and I was a few points away from the JFL Super Bowl.
That title could have been mine!
Instead, the man who questions everything — “Why do we have to draft defenders?” … “Why isn’t it a snake?” … “Why do I have to keep someone?” — is the champion and I had to hand him the trophy about a month ago.
I was reading the Jargon blog post on the title, and while it had that same witty satire you’ve become accustomed to with me, it also had a dash of sass with it. I owe Mr. Nikish an apology. I should have given him more praise, but I failed.
So maybe I can do that here? Can I start 2018 off with a nice Nikish paragraph?
Let’s give it a go.
Keepers are in, and he and I are going for the same thing, a full draft with a late-round keeper that would easily go higher in the draft. Well, that at least was the thought on my end. How the hell did Cameron Brate get the nod?
Brate was the ninth-ranked TE last year, and he really disappeared after four straight weeks with TDs in the beginning of the season. He did have a 2-TD day in Week 13, but that’s it.
Maybe Nikish would have been better keeping that kicker.
Man, did I really fail at that nice paragraph thing. Let's try once more!
What a great keeper choice by News Team! I mean, it’s almost as good as mine. Will Fuller was a 19th-round pick last year because he was injured and expected to be out for a few weeks. He burst onto the scene with 7 TDs in four weeks, but finished the season with only 15 more receptions period, missing 3 more games due to injury.
Can he be healthy for 2018? If he is, it’s a big win in the 19th. If he’s not, oh well.
The real great keepers of this draft go to Chalupa Batman and World of Noise.
Noise grabbed Todd Gurley in the second round last year and being able to keep him there is a very nice draft pick. I think this overall is the best value keeper in the draft. Right now, Gurley is the average No. 1 overall pick in drafts across the nation.
A close second, and maybe better depending on health, is Carson Wentz in the seventh. He moves up five rounds after being a 12th-round keeper a year ago. Even next year, Chalupa can keep him in the second round. It will be 2020 before Wentz has to go in the first round.
There were five first-round keepers, and definitely Tom Brady and Russell Wilson stand out as the questionable ones for that.
Wilson is on average going at No. 59 overall in fantasy drafts, while Tom Brady is at No. 54. Tight ends Zach Ertz and Jimmy Graham are going higher on average.
So is some dude named Kerryon Johnson? Here we go again. A name I have never heard of until now. I guess maybe it’s time to finally start studying.
Well, almost.
We have to have a quick update on schedules. You see, your amazing commissioner is a bonehead. I was so excited for the chance to play everyone in the division twice — 12 games — and one out of division game to have a 13-game schedule.
That excitement was so much that I didn’t even bother to think about the prospect of a week-to-week schedule.
Seven teams is an odd number. Means each week there has to be a cross-conference game. That means in order to play the schedule, we’d need 14 weeks and you’d have to play two out-of-division games.
So, yeah. Not happening.
Great job, Jimmy.
Right now, the only option is everyone plays everyone once, which kind of ruins the reasoning behind doing the division draw.
That said, I still like the idea of switching things up every year, so we’ll keep that up.
Jimmy Jammers
Will Fuller, 19th-round keeper
Dottsville Toasters
Russell Wilson, 1st-round keeper
Sunday Slackers
Ezekiel Elliott, 1st-round keeper
Graybill’s Generals
Carlos Hyde, 4th-round keeper
Chalupa Batman
Carson Wentz, 7th-round keeper
Choo Big TeeDees
David Johnson, 1st-round keeper
Philly Cheese Steaks
Deshaun Watson, 8th-round keeper
Jawz Attack
Joe Mixon, 4th-round keeper
Spacklers
Tom Brady, 1st-round keeper
T-Money
Le’Veon Bell, 1st-round keeper
Dawson’s Creek
Philip Rivers, 8th-round keeper
World of Noise
Todd Gurley, 2nd-round keeper
Channel 4 News Team
Cameron Brate, 18th-round keeper
Fear and Loathing
Dalvin Cook, 3rd-round keeper
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