There’s a knock at the door, and it’s not Walter White.
Jim Vaughn hits pause on the television and sits quietly to wait and see if it will happen again.
KNOCK, KNOCK!
OK, it’s happening. JV knew it. His time was up.
He had gotten away with it for far too long.
The FBI had finally caught on to his multiple thefts of quality baseball players and carrying those stolen goods across state lines.
JV walked to open the door, ready to put his hands up and accept his crimes. He deserved this.
As the door opened, it revealed a guy with a clipboard.
“Hi, I noticed your roof looked a bit old,” the man said. “Are you interested in a free estimate?”
JV declined politely, closed the door and returned to his TV show.
How silly could he be to think he had been caught?
“Once the FBI learned that we once took AJ Reed over Trevor Story, and once targeted Cody Bellinger only to FORGET ABOUT HIM ON DRAFT NIGHT (still mad about that),” JV said in his official statement to the JLB Times, “they realized we’re much too dumb over here to be a criminal mastermind.”
I’m sure someone in the Vaughn family can get out a small violin and start playing it now.
All those “mistakes” are nothing compared to the additions coming in this offseason. He shipped off a fading Clayton Kershaw for Nolan Arenado, and his infield is now one to envy with Lindor there at short.
“Choo can attest, the Steaks have been after him for years!” JV said. “It finally worked out, but it cost an ace (Kershaw) and a solid bat (Machado). We’ll take it though. The hope is that Arenado, Lindor, and Marte anchor an elite infield for years to come.”
Of course, this was a deal he had to accept — because why wouldn’t you? — but he needed this offense more than he needed pitching. The NL is shifting toward bats and JV had to fall in line to compete with the reigning NL champion.
“We need to worry about somehow getting past Dude’s ridiculously stacked roster and the rest of the NL before we can worry about the Breakfast!” JV said. “But the hope is that we improved the offense enough to be in the mix at the end. And if not, we can always call Butter.”
Well, not this year. The phone line to Butter — and everyone else — gets disconnected on July 22. (And, technically — wait for the Butter preview — his line is dead for 2020 anyway.)
So if JV does somehow got his hands on a player from Butter, that would be illegal and he’ll have to worry about hearing a knock at the door; and I promise you this, it will be me, for I am the one who knocks.
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