CHARLESTON, S.C. — It's official. Steroid is going Nuts.
We've known it for a while with the numerous back-and-forth Greinke deals, but now, it's abundantly clear — he is Nuts!
Boiled Peanuts that is.
The press conference, which lasted about 10 minutes, took place in the parking lot of Planters, a local landscaping and flower company that we can only assume was mistaken for the famous brand of snacking nuts.
The media relations director of the Charleston Boiled Peanuts — who appeared to be a college intern fooled into getting real credits for this job — handed out a press release to the media members in attendance.
The release, littered with Parker Dunbar-esque grammar mistakes, was cleaned up a pinch and pasted in its entirety below:
CHARLESTON, S.C. — After eight seasons in the JLB and only one playoff appearance, Steroid.ERA has seen its fair share of players come through its organization. Some may look at it as the farm system of the entire JLB. The Pittsburgh Pirates of the league. Always drafting or otherwise acquiring young talent, holding onto it for a short time and then passing it off like a child switching his attention to the next shiny new toy.
Over the last seven seasons of basement baseball steroid .ERA has taken the inherited roster of aging players like Josh Howard, Yadier Molina, Nelson Cruz and a slew of other veterans and barely any prospects. In a deep dynasty league that just doesn’t bode well for the upcoming season. So the rebuild started instantly.
And now, with a stable of young position players and arms, with only a few potential keepers for 2021 above the age of 30, steroid .ERA seems primed to make an impact in the foreseeable future. And the players in the clubhouse all agree that change is on the horizon.
In
the spirit of change, and especially after the dreadful year that was
2020, and maybe another change may shed the bad juju that has followed
steroid .ERA for the past seven seasons. The team name came from some of
the players that were rostered at the infancy of this team, including
ARod, who had a history or rumored of steroid accusations, as well as
the affinity of Barry Lamar Bonds by team owner Butter.
But we are beyond the Steroid.ERA and this team has a totally different identity, as well as a new home since it’s inception in 2013 in the Steel City. Since the playoffs of the 2015 season steroid .ERA has called Charleston, SC home. And with Charleston, SC being the home of the single A affiliate to the NY Yankees, along with the youth identity of this organization, it is time to shed the stink of the failure of the steroid .ERA name and make a change.
The organization will make a change to be recognized as the Charleston Boiled Peanuts.
The press conference transcript also is included in this article below:
Brian
Palmer: Hello everyone, thank you for coming out. We have great news
today. (He proceeded to read his intern's ... err, we mean media
relation director's press release word for word.) ... Any questions?
Stan Cashew: "Hi, Stan Cashew with the Charleston Chew (a random, poorly managed Fansided blog). What inspired the name change?"
Palmer: "Our original team name was a nod to the era of baseball that my favorite player, Barry Bonds, played in. As well as a poke at my original lineup which had a few guys who were accused or rumored of roid usage... We are beyond that time in baseball. We’ve seen a youth surge throughout the MLB as teams are dumping high salaries contracts and going for young talent that can win cheap. I’ve been building on a rebuild for years now, and it’s time to shed the past stink that Steroid.ERA holds deep in the stitches of our juice stained uniforms. Next question."
Jimmy Johnson: "Hi, Jargon from JSN. Are you looking to do what the Rays did when they shed the "Devil" from their name?"
Palmer: "If
you mean start winning, I hope so!! I’ve been in this serious rebuild
for years, and in that time I snuck into the playoffs once. This is the
best team I think we’ve ever put together pre draft... I may have said
that before, but this time I mean it! Next question."
Steve Spillane: "Hi, Choo from the ... from the bar down the road. I was just driving by. Any way, What's the story behind the new team name? I love nuts. I think it's a great choice."
Palmer: "Well... [holds back a chuckle] ... Steroid.ERA had its organization relocate from Pittsburgh to Charleston, S.C., five years ago. If you didn’t know Charleston, S.C., is four-ish hours away from Major League Baseball, and all we have in South Carolina is minor league ball. Four teams to be exact! Myrtle, Greenville, Columbia and Charleston all are home to MiLB. It’s also clear that we have always been quick to move off our talented farm here at steroid .ERA and have been kind of like the minor league farm system for the rest of the JLB. We have been the JiLB, but this team of youngsters is ready to make a new name for themselves! And more location specific, the Charleston Riverdogs (single A affiliate to the New York Yankees) started an annual night where they play as the Boiled Peanuts as a tribute to Tony the Peanut Guy, a beloved boiled peanut vendor that passed away in 2016. ... Who's next?"
Jimmy Johnson: "Me again! ... Any truth to the matter that you are doing this to move up in the standings in the offseason where Fantrax sorts teams by alphabetical order? You do realize this places you above the JimmyJam Slammers who constantly own first place in the National League in the offseason, right? Did that bother you so much that you had to make this name convenient change?"
Palmer: "You know, I didn’t even notice that’s how it’s lined up on Fantrax until you mentioned that. When you look at your own team page it says you’re in first place, so that’s all I pay attention to! But jumping to the top of the NL, even if because of the alphabet, is still a pretty big deal here in Chucktown! And no, it didn’t bother me one bit. I hope he enjoyed the view from the top while it lasted! Next question."
Buster Olney: "Buster Olney, ESPN. I think my
colleagues have played a good trick on me by sending me here, but I'll
play along. Were there any other names in consideration?"
Palmer: "I tossed around a few potential names but this name just seemed to fit the organizations image and overall identity. One that I was really considering was something like Young Bucs... but that didn’t seem worth a name change."
Jimmy Johnson: "One more question here. Why didn't 'Butter' make it into the name somehow? Like Roasted Butternuts or something?"
Palmer: "You know, if I were to put my name into the team name that would be putting all the focus on me. And that’s not the kind of owner/GM/manager that I am. The focus should be on the guys on the field and in the clubhouse. Choo know what I mean?"
Jimmy: "Umm.... Yes. I do."
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