There's a house at the end of the block that everyone avoids.
That's Ol'Man Cheesey, the kids say. Stay away from him.
And the kids do. Who can blame them? It's rather scary to see Ol'Man Cheesey walk around his front yard, chuckling to himself while herding his numerous cats, many of them on leashes.
Yes, cats on leashes. He has a stranglehold on several cats. No one really ever knows how many he has. They come and go each year, but there's always more than 200 running around by the end of each summer.
How dare he!?
You know who didn't take the year off? The mighty Cheese Steaks. They were dominant and they are back to dominate again in 2022. Like Ol'Man Cheesey's cats, the wins are bound to come.
JV has nearly 2,000 wins in eight JLB seasons, all ending with playoff runs. This success has led us to add "JV winning" to the list of true outcomes in baseball.
"It’s definitely been a fun ride," JV said. "Postseasons are fun, but I’ve always felt like the playoffs are kind of a crapshoot (Right, Choo??). So staying consistent and piling up Ws over the long haul of every season is the most gratifying part of it for me."
He surely did that last season. Despite not being able to collect a fourth World Series title, 2021 saw the Steaks total a JLB-record 276 wins. #SoManyCats That took down a nine-year-old record of 267 wins set by Parker in 2012.
"I think I speak for everyone in the league when I say that any time you take down a record from the JLB Prehistoric Era, that’s a good thing," JV said. "But for all those wins though, we imploded in the World Series last year. And that’s the driving force for us this season."
Yes, the loss of the World Series stings. Big time.
It's one thing to lose a tight battle, but to never really be in it, that's a tough one to swallow when you were the best JLB team for 23 weeks of the season.
Let's remember — JV is screaming, "No, let's not!" — that Sam out-homered JV 28-13 with 103 RBIs to 58. The 14-6-4 World Series win could have been closer with a few categories decided by one, but JV admits, it was over by Thursday on Week 1 of the series.
With the new format, he'll never have to worry about suffering through a meaningless week of baseball.
But will he have to suffer through a JLB postseason without his team in action?
Based on his track record, the answer should be easy — no way.
But, the National League is tightening up.
"I told Breakfast just the other day, this is the most competitive the NL has been since the days of the LAST NAME REDACTED," JV said, invoking the names we shall not say. "Dude is always right there at the top... Butter was in the NLCS last year... JJ’s rebuild is ready to launch... Quad owns some of the most elite guys in the league. And maybe most impressively, the Stantonians took a completely dead franchise and turned it into a playoff contender in a single offseason. No handouts this year. It’ll be a scratch and claw kind of season."
Based on the projections, the only scratching and clawing JV may need to do is if his older players start to fall apart. Again, we don't see this happening, but it's certainly a point to make. He has 103 projected homers and 314 RBIs coming from guys who are 35, 38 and 40 years old. His pitching staff features a bunch in their 30s, too, so there is the big "What if" there.
"I think the potential holes are the same with my teams almost every year... and that is age," JV said. "It’s no secret we like to roster geriatrics over here. Usually that’s because they come at a discount and you can get above average production for a below average price. But the risk is that if some of our old guys start to SHOW their age, then we could have to scramble at the deadline to patch up some holes."
The wild thing is, though, his farm system is pretty stacked when it comes to future arms, so even when the elder statesmen retire, he's looking at a strong rotation in 2026.
"We love young arms over here," JV said. "Come 2026, Max will probably still be pitching and still somehow be elite because he’s a superhuman cyborg. But beyond him, I love Freddy Peralta. He has four legitimately elite pitches. As long as he stays healthy, I see him headlining the staff. He’ll be joined by Logan Webb, Reid Detmers, Mick Abel, and the kid I’m probably most excited about... Matt Brash."
And that's why it's a given that JV is going to dominate.
I still remember the day I pulled his kids in a wagon at the heart walk and invited him to join fantasy baseball. If I would have known all the trouble I'd be in then, I would have changed things.
Oh, I can see how that can be misconstrued. I'm talking about pulling kids in the wagon. What the hell was I thinking?! Kids?!
(I joke. I can't imagine life without them. I'm so lucky.)
And so is JV, because he hasn't had too many great JLB drafts. His forte has been trades and the waiver wire. (See Cedric Mullins, 2021.)
"On every team we’ve ever had, the best players on the roster have almost always come through trades. But on the other hand, our draft track record is PITIFUL, as AJ Reed can attest. So I guess I’d say that we’ve been good with the trading aspect.... but also very lucky that the horrendous drafts have not come back to bite us... yet..."
I actually think he had a good draft in 2022 so we can talk all we want about the rest of the pack catching up; he's still way out in front. Just like Ol'Man Cheesey. Out front with all those damn cats. I'm telling you. Stay away from this man.
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